You can lead a horse to paparazzi, but you can’t make ’em pose.Jennifer Lopez is one of the most famous women in the world, successful as a movie star, singer, dancer, and paragon of skin care. She’s also uniformly beloved by the New York Post, in a way that has convinced me that the people who write for “Page Six” — if not directly employed by her — are otherwise somehow held firmly in her thrall. Coverage of J.Lo’s life in this tabloid is detailed, constant, and sympathetic, to the point of being empathetic. Each story feels as though the writer is sharing Lopez’s own internal monologue with us, and perhaps even acting on her behalf to communicate with her loved ones.
Take the December 22 headline: “Glum Ben Affleck texts while kissing Jennifer Lopez on Christmas shopping trip with their moms.” The story itself is little more than a collection of photos of a couple buying some holiday gifts. It’s the kind of aggressively normal celebrity behavior we’re asked to believe would happen regardless of whether a professional photographer happens to be in the area to capture it in unobscured, well-lit, high-definition photos. But to me, the real story here is the firmly pro-J.Lo narrative “Page Six” has reliably woven around this shopping trip.
The main photo is Affleck kissing Lopez while simultaneously looking at his phone, a mere moment in time, a split second that can be painted a million different ways. You could just as easily make this a “trouble in paradise” story, as is standard for whenever celebrities are photographed not smiling. But they’ve painted this moment as one in which Affleck “proved his multi-tasking skills,” and that Lopez, for her part, “didn’t seem to notice as she lovingly kept her eyes closed during the kiss.” While Affleck is characterized as looking “glum,” Lopez “appeared to be in a very serious mood — perhaps stressing out about last-minute Christmas gifts for their blended family.” From Lopez’s perspective, this is the perfect angle: Her husband is such a silly grump, but she lovingly tolerates it while stressing about nothing beyond buying gifts for their perfect family.
While gossip rags aren’t the place to go for objective news, even as a J.Lo fan, I have long been curious as to just how she commands the sheer volume of coverage that fawns over her while simultaneously delivering constructive criticism to her husband. Consider a glaring comparison: When Michael Che wrote Colin Jost a disparaging joke about his wife Scarlett Johansson’s movies, the tabloid’s headline, “Colin Jost says he can’t enjoy wife Scarlett Johansson’s movies without alcohol during SNL joke swap,” was worded in a way some felt made it seem as though he’d had a hand in crafting the remark. Meanwhile, J.Lo’s headlines are unambiguous in their intention: “Jennifer Lopez jokingly shouts ‘back up, bitch’ to women wanting Ben Affleck’s attention.” The subtext here is that it’s fine if, while skimming headlines on the toilet, readers learn Colin Jost disparages his wife publicly, but God forbid they not appreciate that Jennifer Lopez was just joking while warding groupies away from her super-hot husband.
This is as much a testament to the skills of Lopez’s publicity team as it is her own charisma. We talk a lot about Tree Paine and Yvette Noel-Schure, but neither of those A-list publicists seem to hold the kind of sway over New York’s most important gossip rag that Jennifer Lopez does. And what is real power if not being able to gently prod your husband over his phone use in a national news outlet? J.Lo does not actually edit the New York Post, but if what I’ve read on “Page Six” has taught me anything, it’s that she might as well.
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Ben Affleck, If You’re Reading This, Get Off Your PhonencG1vNJzZmivp6x7t8HLrayrnV6YvK57kWlpbGdhZ3yrsc2noJ%2BdomK5sLzEs2SbnZ5irqeyy56apGWbnsC0esetpKU%3D